


An Edd On My Shoulder

by buffer



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Gen, KevEdd - Freeform, Morals, Supernatural - Freeform, divine guidance, platonic kevedd, shoulder angel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 18:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffer/pseuds/buffer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin notices that someone keeps popping up everywhere, but is surprised when he learns the man's purpose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Edd On My Shoulder

 

Walking out of the clinic’s front door was simultaneously relieving and terrifying. After waiting forty-eight long hours the diagnosis had been nothing. Nothing medical was blamed for his dilemma, but that did not rule out the possibility of it being a mental issue. The doctor’s offer to phone in a referral to a local psycho-something-ist was met with a curt “No thank you,” and a “Is that everything?”

Normally Kevin was not this rude, but if the problem wasn’t something that the (extremely attractive) doctor could not diagnose and treat then there was no use in staying. Since there was nothing medically wrong with him it was time to tackle the problem head on. If he was wrong and it was all in his head, then he knew where to go to seek help; should he be right, then the problem would be dealt with. Either way, this problem was going to be solved because the amount of sleep lost over this was too much and could not continue.

Whoever was stalking him would stop, and that was that.

 

For the past three weeks there had been something in the background - usually it was hiding in the shadows, sometimes in plain sight - taking different forms at different times. It was subtle, but after enough sightings he was able to establish similarities. Perhaps it was his athletic training that allowed him to notice these things – being able to see and analyze the trajectories of different sports equipment flying through the air improved one’s sense of awareness, right? Forms varied, but there was always the hat. A black beanie that hung halfway down his neck, yet arced above his eyebrows. If it wasn’t for the hat then he would have written everything off as fatigue (there was definitely enough of that with his college classes being what they were), hunger, the heat, or even paranoia. The common factor increased his hesitation to confront whoever – or whatever – it was.

Someone was stalking him.

He preferred an actual person as the culprit as opposed to a mental manifestation of...something. Seeing someone, or being attacked by something that wasn’t there, was the worst case scenario; or at least it was to him. Reality and its occupants could be dealt with. How do you run away from your own mind?

It didn’t start out the way it did in movies, someone lurking in the shadows of alleyways, growling under the bed, or lurking in a streetlight. Some of the sightings were extremely subtle (seeing watermarks in the form of the hat the personage wore was what prompted him to finally see the physician) while most were completely out in the open. The same guy sitting in the same coffee shop that Kevin frequented, browsing the racks at the same store he shopped at, reading in the library, leaning up against a tree on the campus grounds; always close enough to see, but never acknowledging, never looking at him. If this clown wasn’t stalking him, then he was totally oblivious to the red head being in the same vicinity two or three times a day. Three weeks was too long. It was time to end this.

In the end it didn’t take much to find the guy. Kevin didn’t even have to do anything out of the ordinary. Today was Tuesday, and that was the day that his roommate, Cory, was working at a local pizza joint. It was their usual custom on Tuesdays to either split a pie, or Kevin would bring something in, and they would eat while Cory was on break. Cory was a wild-child, always seeking thrills, and their friendship had began when Kevin invited him to go swimming in a river. The kid had jumped off a small waterfall into the pools below. When Cory had finished his meal break Kevin stood up, turned around and sat down at the table in the corner where a man wearing dark blue jeans and a simple white shirt was reading the paper and letting a half-eaten slice of spinach and olive pizza go cold.

The man did not even flinch when Kevin sat down. Even when Kevin hissed at him, ordering him to stop stalking him, the man simply sighed and took a bite, eyes fixed on whatever was printed.

“Did you hear me?” Kevin had to fight the urge to shout. Getting kicked out would endanger the discount he got because of Cory. “I said to leave me alone.” In an effort to force the stranger to pay attention to him, he reached out and snatched the paper.

But his hand passed through as if it were smoke.

Which was static and which was translucent, the paper or his hand?

Which was solid and which was a hologram?

Did he hand pass through the paper, or did his hand disintegrate when it touched?

The attention of this unknown being finally focused on Kevin, now terrified. The man’s eyes weren’t really eyes; the hollows where optical orbs had once deposited were vacant, a layer of skin covering the sunken cleft gradually darkened to pitch. Twin concave black holes that seemed to be able to suck the life out of anyone unfortunate enough to gaze within. Regret and fear were the prominent feelings that dominated all others. This seemed to be the end.

A hand snapped fingers in front of Kevin’s face, pulling a frightened mess out of a nightmare. Eyes blinked rapidly, evidence that they had not done so for quite some time. In front of him sat a man wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a simple white shirt, and a black beanie that hid all hair, with exception of a few tufts hanging out of the back. He held a newspaper that was soaked in red, and a puddle of juice pooled underneath. His eyes were blue and angry.

“You’ve got some nerve coming over here, ruining my paper, and then spacing out, guy. Who do you think you are?” The words were supposed to be angry, but they weren’t – not entirely.

Kevin no longer desired to confront this man. If everything was a coincidence then he would change his routine, frequent other places, whatever it took to never see this man (or that vision) ever again. He was about to stand up and leave when he was addressed, by his full name, from the man sitting across from him.

“Twenty-one years old, taller than average, stronger than average, enjoys greasy food, stays up late, raised in the community of Peach Creek, owns a mid-sized motorcycle-“

“Shut up,” Kevin interrupted. He had been right: this man was stalking him. “Why are you following me?”

“I am under no obligation to explain my actions to you.” The response was spoken with such arrogance that Kevin was both angered and worried. Whoever this person was, there was no fear in him, while he, in comparison, was ready to run out the front door.  

“Yeah, you are ‘obligated’ to tell me because I’ve caught you.” He hoped that his false bravado was enough to cover how much he really wanted to increase the distance between them.

“I will do whatever I wish. It is a free world and I have that ability,” Eddward smiled with this comment. It was the type of smile that one with age gives to those younger and dumber. The type of smile that children who are repeatedly labeled as Naughty, or Wild quickly recognize and loathe; the type of smile that raised your anger levels no matter who wore it.

“Like hell you will,” Kevin hissed, his desire to pound this man into oblivion replaced his fear, temporarily. “I don’t know who you are, but you better knock it off or else.” The threat was terribly cliché, but if the man had this much information about him then what was the point?

“Oh! I do believe that I have forgotten to introduce myself. Although in my defense, I wasn’t expecting you to initiate this conversation,” the stranger lifted his hand. “My name is Eddward. With two ‘d’s.”

Kevin stared at the extended hand hovering over the table, weighing – once again- the benefits of running out the front door. With much hesitation, he took Edd’s hand in his and shook it up and down. As the clasped hands descended there was a flash of metal and the clinking sound of something latching into place – for about two seconds there was a series of chain links that draped beneath the handshake that rose and extended as they let go. Whatever it was that he had seen was gone, but Kevin recoiled anyway, demanding to know what he had just seen.

“Calm down, Kevin. I am now linked to you,” Eddward explained.

“’Linked?’ What the hell does that mean?” Kevin yelled then realized where he was. After reassuring Cory, who had poked his head out of the kitchen, he turned toward Eddward once again. “What the fuck was that chain I just saw?”

With a sigh, Eddward’s face fell. “I can see I’ve got my work cut out for me. Congratulations, Kevin, I am now your shoulder angel.”

 

"Are you going to lie around and be a useless sack all day?" Kevin desperately wanted to shed light on what was contained in that particular sack Eddward personified, but he would not sit through another lecture from someone who could make himself intangible. One day Kevin would find a way to shut him up, but for now, since his fist couldn't do the job, he would simply avoid initiating another verbal assault. If someone else had tried to deck the man – and had fallen on his face the way Kevin had when his fist sailed through Eddward’s body without connecting with anything until he hit the floor – then he would have laughed.

"Although it may seem as I have been sitting here doing nothing, I have actually mapped out a highly effective organizational pattern for your room and your possessions." The declaration seemed so preposterous that Kevin did not know how to react when Eddward gathered a pile of shirts from the floor and shoved them into Kevin's chest, his arms reflexively going up to grab them. "To start I'll have you place your soiled clothing in the designated area."

"What area? What are you talking about?" Kevin asked, still not believing what was happening.

"Why that one, of course?" Eddward gestured to a metal frame, from which hung three canvas bags.

Although he vaguely remembered his mother placing it in his bedroom, Kevin had resorted to a gather-what-stinks method of washing his clothes. He was living on his own, for crying out loud! What he did was his business and what he didn't do was nobody's business.

"You have got to be kidding me," Kevin said once he realized what was going on.

"I assure you that it is quite simple. One bag is for whites, another for colors, and the last for dark and heavy items. You can even pick which is which. Once you are done with that then we can move on to placing your other belongings in appropriate places."

"You... Who do you think you are, coming into my life and bossing me around?" He dropped the clothes in his hands for emphasis.

"I told you already, I am your Shoulder Angel. What kind of angel would I be if I didn't help you to better and improve your life?"

"More like a devil is what I say!"

"Oh, you won't have to worry about them."

Whatever comeback Kevin was expecting, it certainly wasn't that. "Wait, you mean devils are real too? Am I gonna get one of those?"

"No, I mean their advice is terrible. Honestly, one would hope that 'Go out and drink all day' would be seen for the sham it is, but people seem to be waiting for an excuse to do just that.”

The new knowledge settled over him, but Eddward’s attempt to reassure had no effect. Eddward was living proof that angels existed, so obviously there must exist an opposite entity. The lack of a definitive “No a devil will not link itself to you as well” loomed over his already troubled mind.

In the end, Kevin complied with the torture method he had convinced himself Eddward had developed in conjunction with the Soviet Union – he had always thought that having everything organized was a sort of brainwashing technique where one’s life was arranged in such a way that one’s thinking pattern subtly conformed to the State’s programme. At one point he may have called Eddward comrade, but he couldn’t be sure. The bulk of the work was performed solely by him, which he complained about once again and was dealt the same you-put-it-away-you-know-where-it-is line of reasoning. However, Eddward did occasionally straighten various items that had been placed haphazardly in new locations.

When the entire house had been configured to the angel’s specifications, he surveyed his work and noted that he did indeed feel better just standing in the middle of his living room. His apartment wasn’t very big, but he felt that he was lucky to have what he had. He was not the type to collect insignificant trinkets, but that meant that the things that he did bring had special meanings behind them. Now that everything had a place of its own to occupy, it felt as if he was properly paying tribute to those memories.

“I gotta say I’m surprised at how much I like this,” he commented aloud.

“You are not the first person to make this realization,” Eddward responded. “Disorder is a breeding ground for negativity, distraction, and a host of other undesirable traits. You have probably noticed that there is a difference in productivity when distraction is eliminated.” He paused before adding, “This is the first lesson that I am to teach you. There are small and simple things that you can do to improve the quality of your life, whether you realize the differences or not.”

Kevin nodded his agreement, but mostly because it felt like the right thing to do. “I’m starved,” he said. “Are you in the mood for anything specific?”

“I do not require food as I am no longer living,” Eddward replied. “While I do enjoy the taste, I shall refrain from eating and drinking while I am educating you.”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Kevin dismissed the polite denial and ordered Chinese take-out.

 

As Kevin walked into his newly organized kitchen, he opened the door to the wrong cupboard and mentally slapped himself as he located where the mugs had been assigned a resting spot before grabbing one. The grogginess from waking up had not yet worn off and, at times, he stared at a certain item on the counter of his modest kitchen and contemplated moving before actually doing so. After putting the powder in the coffeemaker he stood there for a good ten seconds as the cogs in his mind turned before the next step in the process slid into place.

“Might I suggest one of these?” a voice chimed to his left. While the words were undeniably Eddward’s, the pitch was slightly higher and clipped shorter somehow.

His eyes crawled along the countertop to a miniature rendition of the man who had declined the offer of sleeping on a couch the previous night. Kevin blinked once, slowly, as his eyes captured images and sent them to the brain for processing. Once the brain confirmed that Eddward was indeed five inches tall and holding an apple above his head, he yawned.

“Thefrerkkisgoingonhere?” he mumbled.

“Studies have indicated that choosing an apple in the morning instead of coffee is both healthier and more effective at stimulating brain activity and staving off fatigue. In short, this will do a better job of waking you up.”

Kevin loaded the coffeemaker with water and pushed the button despite the waving of the apple right next to his hand. After staring at the appliance for several minutes he noticed that a little red light was not illuminated.

Come on light you better work, Kevin thought. You better turn on right now. I’m warning you. There’s a job you gotta do and you’re not doing it so hurry up and turn on.

“Something the matter?” The question was in no way disguised as innocent, and a knowing smirk was displayed on a very small face; it wasn’t a mean-spirited smirk but it was obvious that the miniaturized angel knew why the red light was not cooperating.

The bugger probably unplugged the damn thing, Kevin thought as he reached around the machine and grabbed a section of the power cable and let it slide through his hand as he pulled back toward himself; at the end of the cord were twin sets of frayed, exposed copper wire. Kevin almost sobbed.

“The actual plug is in the drawer beneath where I stand, Kevin. The damage is easily repairable, but I must insist that you consume this apple before I do.”

At this, Kevin simply gazed at Eddward in a sort of empty way. At first the advice and helpful hints were exactly that: helpful. Now the dweeb was downright bossy. This wasn’t news, as his shoulder angel had used this sort of trickery and manipulation to get him to do his bidding since the beginning. In fact, the more he thought about it the more he realized that Eddward had never given him a choice in any of the changes that had taken place as of late. He had simply given up because he could only be stubborn for so long before giving in.

With the deepest sigh of all, Kevin grabbed the apple from Edd’s tiny hands and bit into it sloppily, hoping that some splashed onto the form below. Some did.

“Alright, now fix Mr. Coffee, or else,” Kevin said as he chewed.

“Your appliance was never damaged, Kevin.” Eddward held up the intact power cord and continued. “Due to the altered state you are in, because of your dependence on caffeine, I was able to make you see what I wanted you to see. While I will not force you to change your habits, I encourage you to decrease your dependence on addictive substances.”

Perhaps the apple was working. Perhaps someone in that kitchen was pondering how to commit paranormal murder.

 

“I used to go there all the time, but life just kinda changed and I just stopped, I guess.”

Kevin nodded in agreement and continued the conversation he had stuck up with the girl in his technical writing class. She was pretty and might be older, or at least knew where some of the house parties were at. He struck up conversation with her because she was taking notes during the lecture and seemed to be understanding what was going on. She said that she did, overall, but there were some parts that she still didn’t understand. They both agreed to meet Thursday afternoons to work on assignments and go over notes from the reading and lecture, but the conversation didn’t stop there and they relocated to a shaved ice stand on the edge of the campus.

The conversation took an interesting turn when she invited him to one occurring that night.

Of course he accepted.

 

“Kevin I must advise that you make responsible decisions tonight,” Following the insistence with the apple that morning during breakfast, Eddward had been silent all day and his sudden reappearance was startling. Kevin spun around to address the spirit but was met with a dancing buffoon who winked at him. Edd tugged on Kevin’s ear and continued. “I have prepared you for numerous possibilities. You will find condoms and acetaminophen in your back left pocket. Also, there will be a taser in the top drawer of whatever room you will be spending the night in, should things take a turn for the worse.”

Fighting a blush and pretending that nothing was wrong was Kevin’s accomplishment of the century. He continued to dance with Chelsea and told her that her hair was nice. It was an excellent cover-up and no one would (or could) tell him different.

When they arrived at her apartment, Edd spoke up again, “Kevin, repeat exactly what I say.”

“Hey, cutie, I want to show you a magic trick,” Kevin repeated.

“Oh?” she inquired.

“Yeah, get me two glasses of water and some thyme.”

She giggled but complied. Instead of the herb she dropped a watch in one of the glasses and Kevin nearly lost it.

“No, like, like the plant. You know, thyme.”

“I just gave you the time,” she said.

“Ok, whatever. Do you have a towel or something to cover these?” This was repeated word for word because even Edd was frustrated with her drunken jokes.

“Yeah, hold on.”

She draped a red and white checkered hand towel over both glasses and Kevin continued.

“When you lift up the towel the water will be replaced with a magical potion that will cure hangovers,” Kevin said then whispered. “Are you really going to do that?”

Edd whispered back, “Rehydrating your bodies will lessen the effects of the alcohol.”

Chelsea lifted the towel, saw that nothing had changed, and stated as much.

“Now let’s drink and see if we believed hard enough,” Kevin repeated before grabbing the glass nearest himself and downing it in one gulp.

“Remember, responsible decisions,” Edd whispered. “I shall return in the morning.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh I forgot that OpticLeech already made [fanart](http://opticleech.tumblr.com/post/59161264269/kev-and-tiny-edd-for-marty) for me!


End file.
